A New Tactic

I've learned a new, valuable way to annoy my parents and get my way. It's the fine art of whining. This method is one that I am perfecting every day, trying it out in different situations and often times, producing different results. How does one whine effectively, you ask? Let me give you an illustration.

It's 4:30. Dinner is not scheduled until 5:30, but you're hungry (and maybe a wee bit tired. Note I said "wee bit"; as someone taking over the world, I don't require much sleep). Start with a slow whimper. Your mother may say, "(insert name here), dinner isn't going to be ready for another hour. Let's play with this." Don't let her distract you. Your mission is food. And whining is your key to getting what you desire. Continue the whimper for approximately 15 minutes. Then move from whimpering to a sound that resembles "uh, uh, uh!" and begin to follow your mother or father around the house. Don't abandon the whimper though. Throw it in for good measure. Carry on in this fashion for approximately 5 minutes. Now, begin an all out whine. A good whine is a mixture of the whimper, the "uh, uh, uh!", a good amount of fake crying, and pulling yourself up onto one or both parents legs. Attach yourself like a leech. Keep this up for another 10 minutes. Soon you will find that the mother or father will become irritated and beat down from your excessive whining and will eventually give into feeding you before the scheduled time.

It's worked like a charm for me. Give it a try. Results are 99% guaranteed.